So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
