Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
