How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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