Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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