I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
