She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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