I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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