he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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