we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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