Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
