Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
