areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
