a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dignity is for republicans.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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