U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
