I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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