so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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