Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
