You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
