I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Bring me that man meat
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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