I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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