I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
