Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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