If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
