I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
