i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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