Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
