i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
