Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
