what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
