I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sorry my hands just texted you
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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