I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
