I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
