Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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