at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
