im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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