Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
