Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
