3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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