I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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