can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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