He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
