he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
