I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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