I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
