Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
