I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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