Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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