Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
