I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You were trust falling into bushes
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
