Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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