Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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