new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
