Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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