a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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