Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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