apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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