I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
