No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
