Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm getting married
To pizza
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
