The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
