i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
