Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
