I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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