ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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