Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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