Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
