you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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