I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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