I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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