arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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