She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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