Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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