Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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