Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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