we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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