I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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