You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
