Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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