I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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