We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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