She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
