Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
