Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
