is your mom at the bar?
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
