I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
